Kim Kardashian divorce opinion: Kris Humphries marriage was a big fat waste of time (and money)
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries in August 2011 (Pic: Rex Features)
Kim Kardashian has confirmed she is divorcing Kris Humphries.
Ten million dollars. 450 guests. Three dresses.
72 days.
And one big fat waste of time.
I’m not sure who to be more annoyed with – Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries for not letting their love last forever (if they were ever really in love at all), or myself for naively believing in their union in the first place.
The union that took place 72 days ago. 72 days of marriage! Hell, I’m not sure I’ve even hoovered in that time.
Most things in the Kardashian empire are disposable – their perfumes, their hair extensions, their mildly illiterate tweets – but I hoped that Kim’s marriage would be different.
After all, her husband’s name even began with a K – where’s she going to find another one like that? (anyone know if Kenan & Kel are still single?).
Kim might be shallow, vacuous and sickeningly rich, but she’s always seemed like fun, plus she’s pretty much the hottest piece of ass in the whole world, so if she can’t hold down a marriage (especially marriage to a man who’s not nearly as pretty as she is), then what hope is there for the rest of us?
Kim and Kris 72 days ago
There are all sorts of rumours about why Kim and Kris are over - arguments about money, about Kim's fame, about having kids, about every nano-second of their life being filmed... you know, the kind of things a sensible couple would probably discuss before hastily getting engaged (which, coincidentally, happened when Kim's fame and therefore market value were at their peak).
I might not be as rich, glamorous and flawless as Kim, but maybe it's better to be normal. As far as living a public life is concerned, my boyfriend might get annoyed when I post unflattering photos of him on Facebook, but at least we don't have to argue about whether we're letting a TV crew come along on our seaside minibreak
The really depressing thing? When Kim ought to be slumped in bed weeping into Kourtney and Khloe’s impressive bosoms, instead she’s going to Halloween parties covered in leaves and tweeting dross like this: “Our store #KardashianKhaos is opening tomorrow at 9am at @TheMirageLV We are so excited!! Kardashian Khaos has arrived!”
Great, great, congratulations. BUT YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER, WOMAN. Please cry. Or at least frown (that’s what people did to display sadness before emoticons were invented).
Actually, Kim will probably save her tears for her reality show – and her decision to end things at Halloween (which is, as we all know, a ridiculously big deal in the US) will add a certain dramatic flair. Perfect timing, everyone, bravo – it was probably Mom’s idea.
While Kim might seem more glamorous and famous than, say, Jordan, that’s merely because she’s American – when you strip things down (and we’re sure Kim will be stripping a few things down over the coming months, when the men’s mags inevitably come running with their chequebooks, desperate for “newly single and hotter than ever” Kim to work their salivating readers into a frenzy), they’ve both turned themselves into a brand, they’re both addicted to living their personal lives in the limelight and they both get through fiancés and husbands like most of us get through toothpaste.
The end of Kim’s marriage is of no real consequence to the world – the beginning of it wasn’t, either – but it’s a shame it will now go down in Hollywood history as another big fat joke, serving only to pad out magazine features on disastrous celebrity romances the next time a high-profile personality’s marriage ends (my money’s on Chantelle and Alex – although they have to actually get married first. And they’re not technically high-profile personalities).
So, Kim & Kris: RIP. But the Kardashian machine rumbles on and that’s the main thing, right Kim?